Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Shaq Attack

This one is going out to Makkaio. I don't have a Wordpress account, so I can't comment on your recent post. I'm here to say that I'm with you. Shaquille O'Neal is a grade-A ass. What sucks is that a lot of sports journalists give him a free pass on just about every time he publicly sticks his foot in his mouth. People say he's a goof, a big lovable guy, they quote him all the time. Are the sports journalists so desperate for a personality that they've made something more than what exists here?

It doubly sucks that the journalists openly wonder if Kobe is going to hit back then fill in their own answer that he can't or won't unless he gets a title without Shaq. All of these fellas remind me of the most obnoxious college dorm guys who followed sports and went with the majority rule, no matter what. You know, the Yankee/Duke/Cowboys/Bulls fan?

These guys want Shaq to be the same thing he was six years ago and are sinking with the ship. In my humble opinion, Shaq:
  1. Loves to take credit for a championship when the team helped him get there.
  2. Is not as dominant as everyone would have you believe.
  3. Is a petulant man-child (I know this because I'm one too at times.)
  4. Should shut the "f" up and actually stick with a team for awhile before jumping ship to what he perceives as the next great thing.
  5. Should look in the mirror the next time he wants to criticize someone.
I couldn't be happier that Shaq's short stint in Phoenix (mid-season!) resulted in nothing. I feel a little bad for Steve Nash, because he had no control over how his team traded.

Say Goodnight George.

Mr. George Carlin has left us an interesting body of work to ponder. I was too young to watch and appreciate his stand-up comedy in the 70's. By the time I was in college, I'd grown tired of that medium and, to this day, haven't seen much of his solo work. Looks like I have some homework to do. Despite all of this, I knew who he was and respected him.

I remember Carlin mostly for his work in film. There were 3 roles, in particular, that have stayed with me:
  1. Eddie in "The Prince of Tides" was the New York City neighbor of the protagonist's sister - whose suicide attempt sets the story in motion. Eddie was gay, but Carlin didn't stereotype his characterization. He brought some welcome comic-relief to a pretty heavy story.
  2. Rufus in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" guided the boys from San Dimas to their destiny. No huge laughs from Carlin, yet he added weight to this lark of a film.
  3. Frank in "Outrageous Fortune". There was a brief time in the 80's, when Touchstone Pictures was releasing some damn funny R-rated films. Bette Midler was in most, including "Down and Out In Beverly Hills" and "Ruthless People". This film was her third and lightest entry in the group. Carlin shows up as a relic of the 60's, who helps the heroines out.
Honorable Mention: The Conductor in "Shining Time Station". The guy could do it all...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Baby!

I've decided to mad lib a tribute to my wife, the PreppyGirl. The words I added are emboldened:

PreppyGirl box-officed out of bed early in the morning. She was flexible because it was her birthday. She showered and dressed and ate some mother as fast as he could. She wanted to get to the french manicure right away because she knew Galoot would have something patient planned for her.'Oh, boy. I can hardly work!' PreppyGirl said. 'Galoot always gets me a really generous Fredonia for my birthday! 'Galoot said, 'What up?, PreppyGirl!' when he saw her. 'Are you all ready for your birthday minivan?' 'Of course, Galoot!' PreppyGirl said gently. 'Here it is!' Galoot said, and opened the closet door to reveal the biggest yogurt PreppyGirl had ever seen. 'Wow, thanks, Galoot!' she exclaimed. 'This is the most lovely birthday ever!'

Monday, June 23, 2008

Tag Day

Miss Julia at In Java has tagged me for today's post.

My ex...'s all live in Texas. Not really. A few of them are in Florida and I haven't spoken to them in over ten years. One college ex is a doctor in Michigan.

Maybe I should... go to the chiro seeing as my torso has been twisted like an "S" since Saturday night.

I love... my family more than ever.

People would say... I'm a handsome sumbitch. And they'd be right.

I don't understand... people who choose to label themselves, then live by the inherent stereotypes - despite what they might feel, learn or know to the contrary.

When I wake up in the morning... I gotta poop. (2 posts in a row about going brown.)

I lost... my high school class ring a long time ago.

Life is full of... doors which open and close.

My past is something... I've definitely learned from.

I get annoyed when... drivers don't use their turn signals and cut me off.

Parties are... overrated. Especially political parties. See "I don't understand..."

I wish... that the powers that be in this town would realize that some quality of life issues could be addressed with a little forethought. Unfortunately, the ones with influence continue to keep their heads in the sand and mostly serve the folks who don't want anything to change.

Dogs... can leave a film on your hand once they've nosed you.

Cats... make good pets if they're raised like dogs.

Tomorrow... is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe your's too.

I have a low tolerance for... Sean Combs.

If I had a million dollars... I'd pay off the cars, student loan and house. Then I'd figure out what to do with the rest.

I'm totally terrified of... influential people who are outraged when the Supreme Court gives legal rights to Guantanamo detainees, but are delighted when the Supreme Court stops votes from being counted.

I tag PreppyGirl, Princess Slea, Viking Slacker.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Cut Your Hair

There is no delicate way of sharing this.

I was dropping a deuce this morning, when PGirl walked into the bathroom. She stood before me, hands cupped, holding several hanks of hair that resembled a Tribble that hadn't made it through the transporter. She said nothing.

"What is that?", I asked.

"PGirl Jr.'s hair.", she replied.

I looked at the hair again.

"Did it fall out?", I said, fearing that my princess was terminally ill.

"No. She cut it.", she said.

Hearing this, I wasn't exactly relieved as this could mean my daughter was deeply, psychologically scarred.

We're still not sure why the girl did this to herself. For the time being, I'll chalk it up to experimentation. I've had a few hair mishaps myself:
  1. In grade school, I cut some hair off of my bangs, just before class pictures.
  2. Out of 30 or so boys in my graduating class, 27 had some form of mullet going on for their senior pictures. I was in the majority group here.
  3. One Halloween in Florida, about 10 years ago, I was preparing to go to bed. In my jack-o-lantern were several tea candles. I decided to pour water in to extinguish them. Before the flame went away, it shot up through the top of the pumpkin shell and burned off some of the hair where a widow's peak would be. If I had a widow's peak.
  4. In the early nineties I grew my hair out longer than I'd ever before. When parted in the middle, it kind of looked like Bruce McCullough's wig in this video. The only folks, who had haircuts like this were 14 year old skatepunks and some lesbians.
  5. I shaved my ankles one year because getting them taped for basketball was getting to be a pain.
  6. I shaved my legs once in the shower, just because I could. I had a few nicks here and there, but it also uncovered scars I'd forgotten about.
  7. The summer before college saw me attempt my first moustache. It was a Chevron. This survived through an Olan Mills family portrait and my first I.D. card at Central Methodist College.
  8. The Chevron reappeared in 1994 during summer break, 1995 during summer stock and in 1996 during my first professional acting job - also in the summer!
  9. The Chevron's cousin - the Horseshoe, showed up for some acting gigs here in Jamestown, including Helen Keller's pop in the miracle worker and Buffalo Bill. Also appearing throughout adulthood were the Goatee and Moustache and the Chin Strip and Moustache.
  10. I cannot grow a full beard.
  11. My beard and moustache come out red.
  12. The soul patch or "flavor" have also grown on my face.
  13. Don't you dare laugh at this post.